Who Knows How To Title This? (NJ-RI) “DAY 342” – 6/11/11

June 12, 2011 - 4:10 am - (NJ-RI) “DAY 342” - Week 49 - State 46

The first thing I did today when I woke up was pack up all my things because I knew I was leaving today for somewhere (Rhode Island I thought).  Hey, I had to get back on the road to try and finish the rest of the year long journey.

F.Y.I. - This post won't have that many pictures because I really don't care to put in that much effort right now.

My Finances
Here’s the break down of what I know have after the donations that have come in.  (When I got to NJ on Wednesday I had $1.25 in my bank account and nothing else.)

Through my Paypal account $250 was donated, so after the Paypal fees are taken out, I’ll net roughly $240 dollars.  But, I still have bills to pay and since two of them are about to go into collections, I have to pay them or my credit will start to get ruined.  They total about $204 because of the late fees and over the credit limit charges.

So, come Monday when the Paypal donations hit my account, most of it will be reshipped out to my creditors.  Thank you to the people who donated because without you I’d be more doomed than I already am right now. 🙁

Cash On Hand
Now, besides the money I have from Paypal, I also have $230 in my pocket from all the cash donations I received over the past 3 days.  So, after I put another $41 in gas tank which filled it to the brim, I currently have $190 cash on hand and $100 of that is be used for a poker tournament. (Deal I made last night.)

Traveling To Rhode Island
After stopping to see my buddy Moose at his new business and having lunch (he bought it for me), I was back on the road to Rhode Island to continue my trip.  Thanks Moose!  The burgers were great! 🙂

Now, the trip to RI was suppose to take a little over 3 hours but with the rain that was coming down and the traffic I hit, I was 3 hours into my journey and I was still in the middle of Connecticut.  Ahhh!

Normally, three hours in a car isn’t that big a deal to me after all the driving I have done, but since it was start-stop start-stop the whole way, my eyes were getting tired.  Not to mention, the wet roads made me have to concentrate harder as well.

Making A Pit Stop
So, when I saw a sign for Foxwoods Casino I decided to pull over and take a break from driving.  Also, I figured that since the Hostel I’m suppose to stay at in Newport, RI was $35 a night, maybe I could play a little poker and win a few nights worth of money.

F.Y.I. - Right now if I pay for 3 nights at the Hostel, I will only have $85 left and that’s without eating or anything else that could cost me money throughout those days.  And don’t forget I agreed I play in a tournament with $100 of it.

Foxwoods Casino
So, knowing my financial situation, I decided to use the $100 right now toward a tournament so I wouldn’t use it somewhere else.  Plus, I’m seriously hoping to win this thing and not have to worry about money at all for the rest of the trip.  Man, I need it!

$120 NL Hold’em Tournament
There were two tournaments I was able to choose from; one was starting in just under an hour and was $120 buy-in or I could wait a few hours and play in a $80 turbo tourney.  Not wanting to wait, I bought into the $120 tournament and sat down at my table.

F.Y.I. - I don’t have many pictures of this because casino security caught me taking a picture and told me they would confiscate my camera if they caught me again.  Also, I was more concerned with playing good poker than taking pictures, so I didn’t let it bother me.

How I Did
Since I’m physically ill right now, I’m not gonna go into any details about the tournament except to say I was knocked out pretty early as my pocket Aces got cracked by a set of 7’s.

The board was 9,7,2 and with two diamonds so when the guy pushed All-in on me, I thought he had a flush draw or a pair with a flush draw and instantly called.  He didn’t, he had a set and I got eliminated.  Damn!  Why!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙁

Knowing I Should Have Just Left
Now, I know I should have just left and took my $70 with me to Rhode Island so I would at least have some cash.  But, the degenerate gambler in me took over and I brought my desperate $70 to a 4-8 limit game.

Playing 4-8 Limit
Like I said, I know I should have just left but I couldn’t control myself and hit the tables anyway.  I wish there was a good story to tell but there isn’t.  Yes, I did play with my $70 for over 5 hours but in the end... I lost it all!  Why!!!!!!  This is so hard to write! 🙁

I’m So Sorry To The People Who Donated
To the people who took there hard earned money and donated it to me in order for to me to try and complete my journey, I’m So Sorry!   I’m sure you didn’t donate to me so I could blow it in the casino on my first day back in the swing of things.  I’m so ashamed, embarrassed, and filled with guilt right now.

It’s no excuse, but in my mind I knew I needed more money in order to finish this trip up. So, instead of waiting a few days and enjoying the money that was so graciously handed to me, I felt like I needed to add to it and the only way I know how was through poker.  I’m such an idiot! 🙁

So, even though it was basically only $90 that I lost of donated of money because $100 of it was specifically for poker, I still feel like a big douche bag for losing that on my first day back.  I hope the donators can except my sincerest apologies because I’m a weak man right now and made a real poor decision.  I’m sorry! 🙁

What Do I Do Now?
Well... here I am at 6:35 am Sunday morning and I still haven’t slept.  For starters, I have nowhere to sleep and I’m so sick to my stomach... I’m not even tired.  I just feel like dying right now! 🙁

Truthfully, as I sit here writing in Foxwoods free Wi-Fi area, I have no idea what I’m gonna do.  Do I quit?  Do I go on with next to nothing?  Or... who really cares anyway?  I’m a huge failure! 🙁

F.Y.I. - I’ve written this in the past but I have nowhere permanent to live once this over.  Also, I have no money, no job, no girlfriend, and tons of bills.  Not to mention, I’m fatter than I ever have been and have no prospects for anything to get any better.  I’m currently at rock bottom with nothing to hang my hat on.  I’ve even let down the people who believed in me and donated.  F&%K!  I’m such a loser! 🙁

NO MORE DONATIONS!
Not that I don’t appreciate the donations that people have given me because I’ll never to be able to explain how much it means to me, but I don’t deserve 1 more dollar from anybody!  I’ve misused the recent donation money and don’t deserve another cent!

So, please don’t take this pathetic post as a cry for help because it’s not. (Although I’m sure I sound like a really sorry case right now.)  It’s just how I feel at this moment and since I’ve written all the good this trip has brought me, it’s now unfortunately the time when you hear all the sorrow I now feel that’s it’s ending even if I don’t quit this second. 🙁

My Final Thoughts
Also, please nobody call me because I won’t answer.  I have nothing to say to anybody as I’m so ashamed of myself for losing control of my gambling habit.  I’ve let myself down as I’m sure I’ve let down the people who donated.  Needless to say, I don’t feel real good about myself, nor should I.  Bottom line, I’m a failure with nothing! 🙁

At this point in my post I’d normally write “Thanks for reading”, but I’m so dejected of what I just had to write about my day that I hope you already clicked away from this site for anything else.   That’s it. 🙁

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Comments (4)

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  1. bennervous says:

    Dave — you might not want to put this on your website, or you might want to edit parts out, but that’s ok. I would’ve texted you but it takes less time to type on my computer.
    Some thoughts of last resort options for you: sell the speakers for $50. Buy yourself a sandwhich or something….just for breathing room and nourishment so that u can think more clearly. Then, as you are not a shy person, tell people your story and ask them if they know of any odd jobs you can do for the short term….this way it wont be a donation. It’s kind of like “will work for food” or being a Home Depot day laborer, but more on your own terms. Heck, you can probably even try standing outside a Home Depot or something. You’ve come too far, you have sacrificed some dignity already, and these suggestions are not really too far off or degrading … unlike the handy suggestions i made Friday nite (see what I did there?) — and if you go for those suggestions — wear gloves.

    OK…my comment shouldn’t be longer than your post. Call me if there’s anything I can do.
    PS – As for getting your aces cracked….don’t worry, you’ll get better with more practice.

  2. John says:

    Dave,
    Was going to say the same thing as Ben…um, not about the handies…about the odd jobs. Look, I’m sure the people who donated knew that there was a good chance the money would get used for poker. That’s what you’ve been doing for money. But if you really feel bad about it, then do what Ben suggested…look for odd jobs near where you are. The Home Depot probably is a good start or a local bar or diner that contractors might stop at for lunch. You picked up some skills this year working on a farm! Best way to pay back your donors? Finish the journey. Besides, if you quit, what the hell am I going to read at lunch every day???

  3. Dad says:

    Hey John, you can read the book when it comes out.
    Rooster will autograph it to all of his readers.

  4. Kim says:

    This is not the guy that I met on the rooftop in Chicago watching the Air and Water Show doing shots of vodka. Nothing ever gets so bad that it can’t get worse. Just think…now it’s going to be that much easier for the little things in life to seem wonderful.

    And when all else fails, there’s booze.

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